One Less Gold

Mullah Nasruddin was dreaming that someone had counted nine gold pieces into his hand, but Mullah Nasruddin insisted that he would not accept less than ten pieces.

While he was arguing with the man over one gold piece, he was awakened by a sudden noise in the street. Seeing that his hand was empty, Mullah Nasruddin quickly closed his eyes, extended his hand as if he was ready to receive, and said, "Very well, my friend, have it your way. Give me nine."

Put To Death

Mulla Nasrudin claimed to be God and was brought before the Caliph, who said to him, "Last year someone here claimed to be a prophet and he was put to death!"

Nasrudin replied, "It was well that you did so, for I did not send him."

Stand By What He Says

A friend asked Mulla Nasrudin "How old are you?" "Forty replied the mulla."

The friend said but you said the same thing two years ago!"

"Yes" replied the mulla, "I always stand by what i have said."

Drunk Husband

Mulla Nasrudin's young wife, recently returned from her honeymoon, was complaining to her friend about her husband's drinking habits.

"If you knew he drank, why did you marry him?" her friend asked. "I did not know he drank," said Nasrudin's wife, "Until one night he came home sober."

Two Questions

Mulla Nasrudin opened a booth with a sign above it: Two Questions On Any Subject Answered For Only 100 Silver Coins.

A man who had two very urgent questions handed over his money, saying: A hundred silver coins is rather expensive for two questions, isn't it?

Yes, said Nasruddin, and the next question, please?

Dreams in Detail

Once Mulla Nasrudin woke his wife in the middle of the night and said, "Hey, be quick, give me my glasses."

The wife asked, "Why do you need your glasses in the middle of the night?"

Mulla replied, "I'm having a very interesting dream and need to see some of the details that are a bit blurry."

Good Swimmer?

Mulla Nasrudin took a second wife who was younger than the first one. One evening he came home to find them quarreling about which of them Mulla loved more.

At first, Mulla told them he loved them both, but neither of them were satisfied with his answer. Then the older one asked, "Well, just suppose the three of us were in a boat, and it started to sink. Which of us would you try to save?"

Mulla thought for a moment, and then said to his older wife, "My dear, you know how to swim, don't you?"

Light at Night

One day, someone asked Mulla Nasrudin, "Which is more valuable to man, the sun or the moon?"

"The moon, of course, because we need more light at night."

How Much For The Chair?

Mulla Nasrudin, carrying a chair, walked up to the owner of a secondhand store and asked how much it was worth. "Three dollars," said the secondhand dealer. The Mulla seemed surprised. "Isn't it worth more than that?" he said.

"Three dollars is the limit," the owner said. "See that? Where the leg is split? And look here where the paint is peeling."

"Okay then," said Nasrudin. "I saw it in front of your store marked $10, but I thought there must be a mistake. for $3 I will take it."

To Catch Wife Attention

Mulla Nasrudin used to say: "If you want your wife to pay close attention to what you are saying, whisper it to another woman in a low voice."

Which Side Should I Be?

"Mulla Nasruddin, which side must I walk when carrying a coffin, at the front, back, left or right?", someone onced asked the Mulla.

"Take which you like best, so long as you are not inside!"

Only God Knows

Mulla Nasrudin, who was really unaccustomed to public speaking, arose in confusion after dinner and muttered hesitatingly: "M-m-my f-f-friends, when I came here tonight only God and me knew what I was about to say to you and now only God knows!"

Wasted Life

Mulla Nasrudin, ferrying a scholarly man across a piece of rough water, said something ungrammatical to him. "Have you never studied grammar?" asked the scholar.

"No."

"Then half your life is wasted."

A few minutes later Nasrudin turned to the passenger.

"Have you ever learned how to swim?"

"No. Why?"

"Then all your life is wasted-we are sinking!"

Running Off With The Wife

Mulla Nasrudin reported to the superintendent of the mental hospital and asked: "Have any of your male patients escaped lately?"

"Why do you ask? said the superintendent. "Because, " said the Mulla, "Someone has run off with my wife."

Don't Wake Dad

The young daughter of Mulla Nasrudin heard a tapping on her window in the early hours of the morning. There on a ladder was her boyfriend.

Their elopement was going according to plan. "Are you all ready?" her boyfriend asked. "Yes," whispered the girl, "but don't talk so loud, you might wake up my father."

"Wake him up?" her boyfriend asked. "Who do you think is holding the ladder?"

Is Your Wife Home

Mulla Nasrudin thought he was going to die with a toothache. He asked his friend, "What can I do to relieve the pain?" "I will tell you what I do," his friend said.

"When I have a toothache, or a pain, I go over to my wife, and she puts her arms around me, and caresses me, and soothes me until finally I forget all about the pain."

Nasrudin brightened up and said: "Gee, That's wonderful! Is she home now?"

Benefits Of The Job

Mulla Nasrudin was applying for a job. "Does the company pay for my hospitalization?" he asked. "No, you pay for it," the personnel director said.

"We take it out of your salary each month." "The last place I worked, they paid for it," said the Mulla. "That's unusual," the personnel man said. "How much vacation did you get?" "Six weeks," replied the Mulla.

"Did you get a bonus?" the personnel man asked. "Yes," said the Mulla. "Not only that, they gave us an annual bonus, sent us a turkey on Thanksgiving, gave us the use of a company car and threw a big barbecue for us each year."

"Why did you leave?" asked the personnel director. "They went bankrupt," said Nasrudin.

More Sense Asleep

The young lady's hopes had been high for two years while Mulla Nasrudin remained silent on the question of marriage.

Then one evening he said to her, "I had a most unusual dream last night. I dreamed that I asked to marry you. I wonder what that means."

"That Means," said his girlfriend, "That You Have More Sense Asleep Than You Have Awake."

Proud Of Son

A friend was visiting Mulla Nasrudin. "My boy has just written me from jail," he said.

"He says they're going to cut six months off his sentence for good behaviour."

"MY," said Mulla Nasrudin. "You Must Be Proud To Have A Son Like That."

Wife Or Mule

Mulla Nasrudin's mule kicked his wife in the head and she died. A huge crowd turned out for the funeral, most of them men.

The minister following the ceremonies, said: "This lady must have been very popular. Look at the large number of people who have left their work to come to her funeral."

"They are not here for the funeral," said Nasrudin. "They are here to bid on the mule."