Knowing The Future

Mulla Nasrudin was cutting a branch off a tree in his garden one day. While he was sawing, a man passed by in the street and said, "Excuse me, but if continue to saw that branch like that, you will fall down with it."

He said this because Nasrudin was sitting Nasrudin said nothing. He thought, "This is some foolish person who has no work to do but go around telling other people what to do and what not to do."

The man continued on his way. Of course, after a few minutes, the branch fell and Nasrudin fell with it. "My God!" he cried. "That man knows the future!" He ran after him to ask how long he was going to live. But the man had already gone.

Cold December

One December day the village boys decided to play a trick on Mulla Nasrudin to fool him. They hid Mullah Nasruddin's coat when he was performing ablution for Friday ritual.

But Mulla Nasrudin perceived that a trick on the way. "Mulla Nasrudin, it's a cold day, why don't you wear your coat?" asked one of them "I left my coat at home to keep the place warm!" answered Mulla Nasrudin.

Wet As You

Obligation Mulla Nasrudin nearly fell into a pool one day. A man whom he knew slightly was nearby, and saved him. Every time he met Nasrudin after that he would remind him of the service which he had performed.

when this had happened several times Nasrudin took him to the water, jumped in, stood with his head just above water and shouted: "Now I am as wet as I would have been if you had not saved me! Leave me alone."

Bizarre Behaviour

Walking one evening along a deserted road, Mulla Nasrudin saw a troop of horsemen rapidly approaching. His imagination started to work; he saw himself captured or robbed or killed and frightened by this thought he bolted, climbed a wall into a graveyard, and lay down in an open grave to hide.

Puzzled at his bizzare behaviour, the horsemen - honest travellers - followed him. They found him stretched out, tense, and shaking. "What are you doing in that grave? We saw you run away. Can we help you? Why are you here in this place?"

"Just because you can ask a question does not mean that there is a straightforward answer to it," said Nasrudin, who now realized what had happened. "It all depends upon your viewpoint. If you must know, however, I am here because of you - and you are here because of me!"

Two Questions

Mulla Nasrudin opened a booth with a sign above it: Two Questions On Any Subject Answered For Only 100 Silver Coins.

A man who had two very urgent questions handed over his money, saying: A hundred silver coins is rather expensive for two questions, isn't it?

Yes, said Nasrudin, and the next question, please?

Promises, Promises

"Darling," said the young woman,"I could die for your sake."

"You are always promising that,” said Mulla Nasrudin, "But you never do it."

Drunk Husband

Mulla Nasrudin's young wife, recently returned from her honeymoon, was complaining to her friend about her husband's drinking habits.

"If you knew he drank, why did you marry him?" her friend asked. "I did not know he drank," said Nasrudin's wife, "Until one night he came home sober."

What Is Wrong With Me?

"Doctor," a woman said as she rushed into Mulla Nasrudin's house, "I want you to tell me frankly, exactly what is wrong with me." Nasrudin looked her over from head to foot, then said, "Madam, I have three things to tell you.

First, you are about fifty pounds overweight, Second, your looks would be improved if you took off several layers of rouge and lipstick. And third, i am not the doctor. the doctor's office is across the street."

Painting Wonder

Mulla Nasrudin was chatting with his master who had taken up art.

"When I look at one of your paintings, Sir," he said, "all I can do is stand and wonder."

"Wonder how I do it?" asked the master.

"No," said Nasrudin. "Why you do it."

Borrow From Me

A well-known dead-beat caught Mulla Nasrudin on the street one day before the Mulla could duck.

"I am really in a jam and need money," he said to the Mulla," and I have not any idea where I am going to get some." "I am sure glad to hear that," said Nasrudin.

"I was afraid you might have the mistaken idea you could borrow some from me."

Unmarried Forever

A young lady went to old Mulla Nasrudin for advice.

She said to the Mulla: "Should I marry a fellow who lies to me?"

"Yes, unless you want to remain unmarried forever," said Nasrudin.

Who's The Boss?

"You ought to stand on your two feet and show your wife who is running things at your house," a big, bossy fellow said to his friend, Mulla Nasrudin.

"There is no need to," said Nasrudin, "She already knows."

Inventor On The Wall

Mulla Nasrudin, the landlord of a rather rundown rooming house, had led a prospective tenant to a third-floor room with badly spotted wall paper.

Nasrudin: "The last man who lived in this room was an inventor he invented some sort of explosive." Prospect: "Oh, these spots on the walls are chemicals?"

Nasrudin: "No, the inventor."

Play Anything You Like

Mulla Nasrudin kept begging the noted pianist to play. "Well, all right, since you insist," he said.

"What shall I play?" "Anything you like," said Nasrudin.

"It's only to annoy the neighbours."