Put To Death

Mulla Nasrudin claimed to be God and was brought before the Caliph, who said to him, "Last year someone here claimed to be a prophet and he was put to death!"

Nasrudin replied, "It was well that you did so, for I did not send him."

A Donkey's Word

One day , one of Mulla Nasrudin's friend came over and wanted to borrow his donkey for a day or two.

Nasrudin, knowing his friend, was not kindly inclined to the request, and came up with the excuse that someone had already borrowed his donkey. Just as Nasrudin uttered these words, his donkey started braying in his backyard.

Hearing the sound, his friend gave him an accusing look, to which Nasrudin replied: "I refuse to have any further dealings with you since you take a donkey's word over mine."

More Useful

One day Mullah Nasrudin entered his favorite teahouse and said: 'The moon is more useful than the sun'.

An old man asked 'Why Mulla?'

Nasrudin replied 'We need the light more during the night than during the day.'

Never Ask Why

"You don't love me any more," said Mulla Nasrudin's wife through her tears. "When you see me crying, you never ask why."

"I am sorry, Darling," said Nasrudin, "But that sort of question has already cost me an awful lot of money.”

Law Of Compensation

Mulla Nasrudin's son, home from college, was talking to his father about the "Law of Compensation," which he had studied.

"If a person loses one eye," he explained, "the sight in the other becomes stronger. If he loses the hearing in one ear, the hearing in the other becomes more acute. If he loses one hand, he becomes more agile with the other."

"I guess that's right," said Nasrudin. "I have always noticed that when a man has one short leg the other is longer."

Beauty Unveiled

According to social rules existing during Mulla Nasrudin's day, brides didn't show themselves to their future husbands prior to marriage.

On Mulla's wedding day, his wife unveiled her face to him and asked, "Tell me, which of your relatives can I see without covering my face?"

Mulla replied, "Show your face to whomever you want; just make sure you keep it covered in my presence!"

Dreams in Detail

Once Mulla Nasrudin woke his wife in the middle of the night and said, "Hey, be quick, give me my glasses."

The wife asked, "Why do you need your glasses in the middle of the night?"

Mulla replied, "I'm having a very interesting dream and need to see some of the details that are a bit blurry."

Good Swimmer?

Mulla Nasrudin took a second wife who was younger than the first one. One evening he came home to find them quarreling about which of them Mulla loved more.

At first, Mulla told them he loved them both, but neither of them were satisfied with his answer. Then the older one asked, "Well, just suppose the three of us were in a boat, and it started to sink. Which of us would you try to save?"

Mulla thought for a moment, and then said to his older wife, "My dear, you know how to swim, don't you?"

Light at Night

One day, someone asked Mulla Nasrudin, "Which is more valuable to man, the sun or the moon?"

"The moon, of course, because we need more light at night."

How Much For The Chair?

Mulla Nasrudin, carrying a chair, walked up to the owner of a secondhand store and asked how much it was worth. "Three dollars," said the secondhand dealer. The Mulla seemed surprised. "Isn't it worth more than that?" he said.

"Three dollars is the limit," the owner said. "See that? Where the leg is split? And look here where the paint is peeling."

"Okay then," said Nasrudin. "I saw it in front of your store marked $10, but I thought there must be a mistake. for $3 I will take it."

To Catch Wife Attention

Mulla Nasrudin used to say: "If you want your wife to pay close attention to what you are saying, whisper it to another woman in a low voice."

Which Side Should I Be?

"Mulla Nasruddin, which side must I walk when carrying a coffin, at the front, back, left or right?", someone onced asked the Mulla.

"Take which you like best, so long as you are not inside!"

Only God Knows

Mulla Nasrudin, who was really unaccustomed to public speaking, arose in confusion after dinner and muttered hesitatingly: "M-m-my f-f-friends, when I came here tonight only God and me knew what I was about to say to you and now only God knows!"

Wasted Life

Mulla Nasrudin, ferrying a scholarly man across a piece of rough water, said something ungrammatical to him. "Have you never studied grammar?" asked the scholar.

"No."

"Then half your life is wasted."

A few minutes later Nasrudin turned to the passenger.

"Have you ever learned how to swim?"

"No. Why?"

"Then all your life is wasted-we are sinking!"

Running Off With The Wife

Mulla Nasrudin reported to the superintendent of the mental hospital and asked: "Have any of your male patients escaped lately?"

"Why do you ask? said the superintendent. "Because, " said the Mulla, "Someone has run off with my wife."

Don't Wake Dad

The young daughter of Mulla Nasrudin heard a tapping on her window in the early hours of the morning. There on a ladder was her boyfriend.

Their elopement was going according to plan. "Are you all ready?" her boyfriend asked. "Yes," whispered the girl, "but don't talk so loud, you might wake up my father."

"Wake him up?" her boyfriend asked. "Who do you think is holding the ladder?"

Is Your Wife Home

Mulla Nasrudin thought he was going to die with a toothache. He asked his friend, "What can I do to relieve the pain?" "I will tell you what I do," his friend said.

"When I have a toothache, or a pain, I go over to my wife, and she puts her arms around me, and caresses me, and soothes me until finally I forget all about the pain."

Nasrudin brightened up and said: "Gee, That's wonderful! Is she home now?"

Benefits Of The Job

Mulla Nasrudin was applying for a job. "Does the company pay for my hospitalization?" he asked. "No, you pay for it," the personnel director said.

"We take it out of your salary each month." "The last place I worked, they paid for it," said the Mulla. "That's unusual," the personnel man said. "How much vacation did you get?" "Six weeks," replied the Mulla.

"Did you get a bonus?" the personnel man asked. "Yes," said the Mulla. "Not only that, they gave us an annual bonus, sent us a turkey on Thanksgiving, gave us the use of a company car and threw a big barbecue for us each year."

"Why did you leave?" asked the personnel director. "They went bankrupt," said Nasrudin.

More Sense Asleep

The young lady's hopes had been high for two years while Mulla Nasrudin remained silent on the question of marriage.

Then one evening he said to her, "I had a most unusual dream last night. I dreamed that I asked to marry you. I wonder what that means."

"That Means," said his girlfriend, "That You Have More Sense Asleep Than You Have Awake."

Proud Of Son

A friend was visiting Mulla Nasrudin. "My boy has just written me from jail," he said.

"He says they're going to cut six months off his sentence for good behaviour."

"MY," said Mulla Nasrudin. "You Must Be Proud To Have A Son Like That."